Lasting Love
by KJmom
Summary: Oneshot sequel to Dark Desires, Dawn's POV this time. Set after the end of BtVS and during the last season of Angel, or after if you'd like, that's not very important.


**A/N: Well, I don't know how good this is, but here's another oneshot. It follows Dark Desires, you don't have to read that one to get this one, but it'd probably be easier to understand if you did. I think this will be the last of it, or at least it feels like it's out of my system now. Then again, I thought I was done with it the first time around too, so who knows. Of course I don't own Dawn, Spike, Buffy, Andrew, or anything from BtVS, but you know that already, so on with the story........................ **

She loves him, always has. She loves the man and because of that she can accept the animal that occupies his body. They all thought she was so naïve. They thought she didn't understand the power, the absolute evil that seeped from every pore of his lovely body. She did. It was part of the reason she felt drawn to him.

She knew from the moment she first laid eyes on him that he could destroy her so very easily. Physically, his strength was only matched by that of her sister. When she was younger it was the danger that he presented that intrigued her.

She used to dream of him knocking on her window at night. She'd open it, and knowing full well what was going to happen, she'd invited him in. As he bit her she'd sigh and relax in his arms, allowing him to drain her life force. The fact that such an eternal, beautiful creature _needed_ her, the very idea that her blood would sustain him was enough to drown out the pain of his fangs. She'd always wake up just as she felt her heart beat for the last time. She knew she was supposed to wake up frightened, but she didn't. All she felt upon waking was a loss so deep that it shook her very soul.

As she got older, the dreams changed. Her death was an ever-present event, but his fangs were no longer the only thing that breached her body. He took her to heights she could only imagine and his bite was no longer painful. The feel of his teeth scraping the tender skin of her neck would push her over the edge and as she felt them sink into her body she'd awaken trembling and _needing_. Her own hand was never completely satisfying, but she knew it'd have to suffice.

She'd known when he started sleeping with her sister, or maybe fucking was a better word, because that's all it was. She knew he had hoped for more, but she also knew that Buffy was only using him. Part of her wanted to laugh at her sister's stupidity after the 'bathroom incident'. All the years she'd been told that Spike wasn't to be trusted, and what had her sister done? Bedded the enemy.

She fucked, taunted, and degraded a known murderer and rapist, and was surprised at the outcome? Please. But, the sisterly, more adult part of her won out and she'd pushed him away. Basically told him to fuck off and outwardly ignored him. Inside she lived a very different reality. She was devastated.

How could he not see what was right in front of him? Could he not feel the love she'd harbored all this time? Did he not understand that she could give him everything he needed and more? He'd be willing to rape her sister rather than take what she herself would willingly give? He'd take the cold, uncaring bitch that had come back to them rather than the love and comfort she could provide? Well then, he deserved what he got.

When he'd come back with his soul, all she'd wanted to do was hold him, kiss him, make love to him until he forgot the ghosts that haunted him nightly. But she hadn't. She knew he still saw her as the little girl sitting in his crypt begging for one more horror story. It'd take more than a sordid proposition in a dank basement to change that. So, she kept her distance resolving to move away the moment the world was once again safe. She'd finish school and go to college. She'd live and learn and come back to him a woman worthy of him.

But it didn't seem as if that was meant to be. She'd managed to hold herself together when he'd died, but only barely, and only in public. For months she'd cried herself to sleep. She'd regretted every harsh word she'd spoken to him, every moment she'd forced him away because of her own pain. If she'd known that he wasn't coming back out of that basement…….. But she'd foolishly thought him invincible.

When Andrew had first come back with tales of Spike's resurrection she hadn't dared hope. The days after she'd sent the first letter had been the longest of her life. The first thing she'd done after getting his response was smell the envelope. She knew it was ridiculous, the thing had been handled by god knows how many people, but she was sure she could smell traces of whiskey and smoke all over it.

She almost flew out to L.A. immediately, went as far as to pack her bags even. Then she'd thought better of it. If she went back to him now she'd be returning the same child she'd been before and that was unacceptable.

She'd always wanted him to be her first and after he'd died she just hadn't had the desire to be intimate with another man. Oh, she'd had plenty of offers. She'd even gone home with a couple blue eyed or blonde haired beauties, but had never been able to go through with it. She would always feel as if the man were just a substitute for what her body, her _heart,_ really wanted.

She'd slept with a few women, a girl has needs after all, but she knew she wasn't gay. She just couldn't make herself settle for a man that would never be the one she loved. Now though, things had changed. As bad as she still wanted her first time with a man to be with him, she wanted to return to him a woman in every way.

As a testament of her love for him she choose a man his complete opposite. Dark haired, tall, bulky, quiet, and apparently lacking in the experience her sister had raved about on occasion, because she left his bed more unfulfilled than if she'd performed the task herself. The next day she hopped a plane to L.A. Once settled into her room, she placed only one call. The one that would bring her face to face with the man she desired above all others.


End file.
